"Be Yourself" (Just don't name it)

Just a couple of days ago, I was congratulating Danny for being openly gay on American Idol, before voters gave him the boot. I guess I was speaking too soon. In an interview posted on Yahoo! titled "'Idol' loser Danny Noriega stayed true to self," Danny talked about being himself and being really, really different, but when it came to the gay thing, he declined to directly address the subject of his sexuality in a conference call with reporters on Friday, saying it was a private matter. Oy vey!

Now, I'm not going to criticize an 18-year-old for being reluctant to say the 'G' word. (Lord knows I wasn't out at that age, much less in front of millions of people.) Maybe he's being pressured not to say it. Maybe he just didn't feel like going there with reporters after getting rejected by viewers. (There was no shortage of homophobic hate-speech on AI-related forums regarding Danny.) Maybe, like some kids his age, he's bored by labels. People assumed Danny was gay because, well, they have eyes and ears, and because of the little "I'm gay" rap at the end of the "Chain of Fools (Don't hate on my do-rag bitch)" YouTube video. (Copies of which seem to be evaporating.)

Officially, I guess Danny was never out. He was animated, to use one of AI's euphemisms. He was true to himself, Danny being Danny. Meanwhile, on various non-official blogs Danny's gayness was openly discussed and debated. Some people, not surprisingly, thought Danny was definitely gay, while others begged to differ. A sample argument from Yahoo! answers: Is Danny Noriega Gay? Be honest. I don't think he is. I think he's just in touch with his fenimen side and is being funny! Plus I have a bet with someone that he's not gay! All because his voice is high pitched doesn't mean he's gay...does it? Others claimed not to care one way or the other: omg i am so sick of this question WHO CARES!!!!!!! for god sake! does it really matter.

Does it really matter? No, it doesn't really matter if Danny is gay. He is what he is. The reason it came up--beyond the faggot rap--is because Danny was either unwilling or unable to pass as straight. This gets called "the stereotype" of a gay man, i.e. the effeminate queen. It may be a stereotype, but, like most stereotypes, kernels of truth lie within. Some gay people really don't have the option not to be out, and from all appearances Danny is one of them. (Rufus Wainwright is another. He may have chosen to be out from the start of his career, admirably so, but it's not like it was a true choice. He is out, he just is.) What's interesting is what the powers-that-be choose to do with what is right in front of them.

And, in 2008, they still dance hesitantly around it. I understand AI's (along with the entertainment shows that keep tabs on it) predicament. Outing a contestant who doesn't want to be outed would be uncool. Likewise, they're not gabbing about David Hernandez's gay stripper past on the air, even if Simon was apparently caught off-camera urging the other judges to say they "liked the way you stripped it down." But I suspect there's more to it than considerate discretion. In 2008, it's permissible to talk about someone being true to himself, animated, flamboyant, or different, but it's not permissible, officially, to say that someone is gay. To do so is still seen as a strike against them, personally and professionally. It's still an accusation. Is America ready for the first openly gay Idol? Probably not. And probably the American Idol producers aren't either.

So, I'm not hating on Danny's do-rag or his decisions about how out to be, I'm hating on a culture that keeps gayness hush-hush in the corporate sector even while gay-talk (and the accompanying homophobia) flows freely through the wild Internet frontier. I hope Danny doesn't retreat to some poorly constructed closet, because clearly that's not where he's meant to be. You can't shine in that dark space, sweetheart. But I also hope that one day the euphemisms will seem as silly and dated as Danny's do-rag.

The Honeymoon is Over, Anderson

Anderson Cooper is gay but not publicly out, that's the standard line. This isn't news, but there's been a long-term debate, particularly within the gay community, about whether he has a responsibility to be out, or not. Some say yes, some say no. Those who say no tend to believe that being in or out of the closet is a totally personal choice (one should never be outed) or that, since Anderson isn't actively working against gay people--like Larry Craig or Mark Foley or Ted Haggard--or pretending to be straight, then he should get a pass. It's none of our business. Basically, this is what Cooper himself has said.

When asked about the "sexuality issue" in New York magazine, he replied: "You know, I understand why people might be interested. But I just don’t talk about my personal life. It’s a decision I made a long time ago, before I ever even knew anyone would be interested in my personal life. The whole thing about being a reporter is that you’re supposed to be an observer and to be able to adapt with any group you’re in, and I don’t want to do anything that threatens that."

And at the top of Cooper's CNN blog, just to the left of his earnest, handsome reporter's face, his words of wisdom are, "Be honest about what you see, get out of the way and let the story reveal itself." Clearly, Cooper's aim is to objectively report stories without becoming part of them. Unlike the Geraldo Riveras or Bill O'Reillys or Sean Hannitys or Keith Olbermanns of the world (apologies to Keith for lumping him with the other morons), he chooses to seek answers rather than pontificate. And, unlike the FOX bullies, he's managed to keep a veneer of class because he listens to guests rather than yelling at them.

Yet, he's also not afraid to be a personality. He regularly makes the talk show rounds, giggles with Kathy Griffin, sits in for Regis and swaps silly personal (but not too personal) stories with Kelly--not exactly serious newsman fare. Which is part of his charm. Between his self-deprecating wit and silver fox looks, with a little Vanderbilt glamour thrown in for good measure, he's cultivated quite the dreamboat persona, one that can't be entirely accidental.

He charmed the pants off of me (or he could have, if he'd tried), and so I wasn't one of the ones clamoring for him to come out. In fact I rather enjoyed the wink-wink banter that seems de rigueur during his more frivolous gigs. It was kind of fun knowing that he was on the team yet also knowing that much of dim, mainstream America didn't realize this. Not unlike when Rosie and Ellen used to trade Lebanese jokes. Furthermore, he did occasionally take on gay issues on his show, not unsympathetically, so I was inclined to think he could have it both ways.

Then I watched an interview he did in the wake of the Lawrence King murder, and suddenly Cooper's reluctance to be open about his sexuality just seemed wrong. While Cooper deserves some credit for bringing attention to a tragic story that had been mainly overlooked by the mainstream media, it's odd, to say the least, to hear a gay man persistently say the word homosexuals (such the clinical media term) and talk about homosexuality is if it were no more intimately related to him than nuclear physics. He could have brought some authority to his questions, but he chose to play the naif.

In the course of questioning a child and adolescent psychiatrist about how to deal with bullying in schools, Cooper talked about how some parents don't want it (homosexuality) taught or discussed in the classroom. In replicating the language of bigots (any gay person knows that homosexuality is not going to be taught in schools--respect for and tolerance of difference is) and completely distancing himself from any personal connection to Lawrence King, he effectively became part of the silence and shame that still--in 2008!--surrounds gayness. Suddenly I saw what I should have seen earlier, if I hadn't been one of the smitten ones: Anderson Cooper is a coward. Lawrence King was brave, and he paid for his bravery, and as long as people like Anderson Cooper stay hidden in their professional lives they are perpetuating the myth that homosexuality is a dirty little secret that belongs to them, not us, not me. (A YouTube video of Cooper orchestrating the legitimacy of ex-gayness following the Ted Haggard scandal comes off like a Saturday Night Live skit; unfortunately, King's murder isn't as funny as Exodus-types pretending to be straight.)

By drawing the personal life (as if sexuality doesn't involve anything outside the personal) line in the sand, while willingly basking in celebrity's glow, Cooper is squandering whatever integrity he might have had. Part of his appeal was the angry humanity (and personality) he brought to his reporting in the aftermath of Katrina. But it will become more and more difficult for him to express his humanity when he's unwilling to reveal an essential part of his own.

I'm not necessarily talking about a flashy coming out à la Jim McGreevey (those forced outings do tend to be flashy) or even Ellen. There are ways to express one's gayness without shouting it from the rooftops. Celebrities like David Hyde Pierce have managed to do it without compromising their careers or dignity, so why can't Cooper? Because he risks becoming the story, risks getting the gay label, risks losing viewers whose fantasy bubble's been burst, risks getting shafted by CNN. But, at this point, it already has become the story, in part because of Cooper's stubborn refusal to deal with it like a man, suffer through some media brouhaha and move on. And the longer he keeps up the charade, the more he risks becoming a wind-up pretty toy without a key, observing from the corner he's backed himself into.