The conservative Americans' guide to true patriotism:
1. Wear a tacky American flag lapel pin. (If you are a Democrat; if you're a Republican, it's assumed you are truly patriotic and, thus, doesn't matter.)
2. Make sure your middle name is not Hussein.
3. Do not travel to foreign lands, ever, especially ones that contain Muslims.
4. If you are foolish enough to travel to foreign lands, for God's sake do not don native dress.
5. Design smear campaigns that have nothing to do with real issues but instead focus on fear-mongering, ignorance, and empty symbolism.
You are now patriotic.
P.S. And, thank you Rep. Kingston for providing the job description for President of the USA: "#1 Cheerleader in the country." Get out your pom-poms, candidates, rah-rah.
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